Monday, December 5, 2016

Moving Frustrations

What's moving without added stress?

Before I talk about the good stuff let's get the not so good stuff out of the way and trust that I am in fact quite happy regardless. 

Three unique things went off track during moving. 

When the idea of me first moving came up a good friend offered to help me move (I needed it because some things I can't do on my own), offering to take time from work to do so, I was naturally hopefully and delighted about this. However when the date was set and a Thursday it was heartbreakingly clear they were not going to help.  No bother. 

Another friend offered to help and take off work but I hadn't gotten a firm yes. So I asked a coworker who doesn't work at the hospital on Fridays. When I got confirmation from him I went and booked the moving truck. 

Well Friend two did request off but wound up scheduled anyway. My coworker asked the day before if I could get the truck as early as possible because he had a family emergency come up. 

I was shell shocked that my planning had gone south. I then asked one of my female friends who works evenings if she might be willing to help because I was up a creek. She said yes and wound up bringing two male friends. Thank you Jacki, you are a lifesaver. 

The second and BIG frustration was getting the truck. When I had called to inquire about picking up the truck earlier on the 1st, Budget Mount Sinai told me they were still in the process of locating a truck for me and would call me back.  By 6pm I had not heard anything so I called them and TJ let me know that an earlier time was not going to be possible because they had still not located a truck. Imagine my anxiety level at possibly having no help and no truck... He said no matter what I will have a truck but I may have to travel for it and he would call me in the morning. 

I learned in the morning that I needed to pick the truck up in East Northport. This is a good 45 minutes out of my way which would be fine if the man working at Budget was remotely friendly.  I picked up my truck and spent 15 minutes attempting to adjust the seat (it was stuck) and side mirrors which were not powered. Needless to say the right side view mirror was messed up the entire ride to my old apartment because I couldn't adjust it right. I tried. 

Driving the truck was fun once I got used to it. I found the blind spot mirrors to be my best friend. I took out some curbs like a professional and stressed about tire damage but overall it was pretty awesome. 

Returning the truck I asked a different female friend if she would come for the ride. I had a strong inclination that I may need to fight for the mileage refund I was told would be applied by TJ since the truck was supposed to be in Mount Sinai and much closer. Their computers had been down so he couldn't do it prior to transferring me to East Northport. I did have to fight a little for my refund and the man at this location was fairly grumpy until at some magical moment he lightened up.  I often find my silly banter with friends can lighten up a room. It did and Budget ultimately did refund me 30 miles. 

After this I know I will never rent from Budget again.  The actual truck was great but the frustration of getting a truck on top of moving was not okay. 

The final frustration was finding my AC on top of the fridge...  Who does that????  In removing it, I dip drop it. I barely escaped being hit by it.  I can lift the AC but not safely when it's above my head. I know it's white but it is not a microwave. 

Those were the not so great things and my suggestion to skip using Budget truck rentals. I had been told the truck shortage was because UPS and FedEx had all the trucks. If that's the case then don't rent me a truck. Tell me you are booked. Sigh. 

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Moving Forward

It's been a terribly busy last few weeks.  Thanksgiving was bonkers working two jobs and retail on Thursday and Friday, but this week I moved!

Not only did I move but I had the pleasure of seeing Chix 6 at La Mama theater for its last performance today.

At some point I will totally write about moving. The huge pluses and the frustrations because boy were there some.  I started a post about working retail on Thanksgiving but I was too exhausted to finish. 

I need to tell you all about Chix 6. I wish I had seen it back in 2011 during its original run. It hit home for me on so many levels I was a thought away from balling my eyes out in the theater.  I cry at movies. I cry when other people are crying (including animated characters).  Its a thing I do. It's an empath thing.  I have never cried in the theater.

For now I must try to sleep in this mess of a place. Oddly I am mostly unpacked. The kitchen mess is mostly boxes.  I also have things to bring to storage but I have to clear storage out before I can do that. This is why I have mass amounts of big empty boxes in the kitchen. Lol. 

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Monday, November 21, 2016

Leaking Shower Head

I finished painting my new apartment this evening.  I fully intend to paint the trim at some point but definitely not now.  One thing that is inherently bothersome is the dripping shower head.  However, I realized that for me and my experiences, this is actually an exceptionally good thing.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Up and Up

It occurred to me that after a somber post, I should update on my current state. 

Things are looking up. I still do not feel I have purpose but even without that I am better regardless.  My retail job is helping a lot.  Getting out and helping customers is pretty effective for me.

More so, I am finally moving. No more cricket infested apartment.  I am really excited about my new apartment. I am more excited that I am not struggling to make the double 1st months rent. 

It's a small studio, above ground, and the landlords are the sweetest.  It's not really the amount of space I am looking for but I really liked the landlords.  The area is nice and I know tons of people around.  The hard part is getting someone to help me move on a THURSDAY.  Thursday is the 1st and I want to be out of here as quick as I can. I fully intend to rent a truck and be out with one trip. 

I don't have much furniture but a decent amount of boxes.  I get to paint the new place. I intend to do the main area pale blue and the bathroom lavender.  Currently the main room is an orange-yellow and the bathroom is pink.  I love yellow but not on my walls and for some reason every apartment has yellow walls.  I also like pink but it's a small bathroom and the pink is too much. It also will not match my bathroom stuff.  I love painting too!

I very much feel like I have taken the first steps towards finding joy again.

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Depression Depths

I have been working a lot lately and in many vital ways it's been helpful to my mental health. 

However, in some not so much.  I have been busy working a minimum of 60 hour weeks which means on some days I am not really around from 9am until midnight.  

The good is that working retail is getting me out of the house where I would be sulking or sleeping. I am out and while I am doing stock and cleaning mostly, I get to interact with and help people. I love helping in general so helping customers gives me an amazing sense of self that I have been missing.  Just being around people in a positive environment is helpful. Often my regular ailments vanish at the retail job because I am too distracted or pleased to care that a kidney stone has me in pain.  I was in kidney stone pain yesterday. It kept moving around from my back to my front. It wasn't terrible pain thankfully.

The downside, that I have noticed over the last three weeks, is not hearing from those I care about. It's not anything new but it's more noticeable.  When I do go on break, I have no one to talk to.  When I am off work, no one to see.  Plus the sad reality that when I reach out nothing happens and I have reached out. 

I have come to this sad conclusion that I only have one friend that I can rely on and I am not around on the days I know I can contact him.

It's things like this. This isolation, lack of worth, and lack of feeling wanted that drives me deeper into depression.  I know for a fact, if I went missing no one would look for me.  That's a terrible place to be in emotionally.

I keep on most days and I don't know why.  I keep pushing myself to be here when I am not of any real importance to anyone. I can be replaced at either job and those in my life wouldn't notice. 

But luckily I am not in that place since life is not full of dread currently. My second job brings me a nice sense of genuine happiness and peace.  It can't fix the holes in my heart but it's uplifting enough to keep me off the edge.  I plan on keeping it after the holidays because of the positive effect it has. 

I tried making plans for a movie night tonight, I tried making dinner plans three times last week, I tried having conversations with friends who don't return calls or texts, I am over trying.

Hopefully my next post will be a bit happier. Good things are happening they are just over shadowed by this cloud right now.  I will get through it. 

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Exceptional 5 Days of Vacation!

Because of NYCC I took Thursday and Friday off of work. I was off Monday for Columbus Day. Overall, I did loads of relaxing and sleeping but other things happened too. 

So Thursday I was at NYCC and I had a great time hanging out with two of my male friends that I don't see often.  I found myself very grateful to have them with me when I saw one of my nightmare ex's friends twice. Whom I am certain it took us both several minutes to realize who the other was. Miraculously I didn't have an anxiety attack over this but this particular person never gave me reason to be of alarm then or now. He's actually a pretty cool guy and if anything we were both badly burned by my ex but that doesn't mean I will be open to chatting with him or want those memories in my space.  So I found myself exceptionally grateful to have two great guys with me during those moments.  Outside of having guys with me it was an exceptional refocus. Good friends whether they realize it or not help keep my mind out of the crapper. 

Thursday night I went to an after party at Shangri-Las (I love that name because I love the 60s girl group).  My bestie was hosting and I got to hang out with the Long Island Ghostbusters, two friends from Philly, and another I rarely get to see. Seeing my Philly friends and the people of that cosplay area from my days at Wizard is a massive endorphin boost. I miss that crowd so much and this may make for another future post. 

Friday I spent sleeping. Outside of a doctors appointment that I was barely awake for I slept all day and night. The few times I was up my calves were rejecting me from all the walking I did Thursday. It amazes me that I can walk for 9 hours at a convention and only feel pain in the bottom of my feet but get an amazing leg work out. Yet when I walk 4 miles at the park I wind up stressing out my shins to where I have to take time off.  My shins get stressed out not my calves. 

Saturday, I slept a lot but I also finally sewed my red rockabilly dress!  I cut the patterns/fabric for this long ago.  The pattern called for 5/8" seam allowance which I thought was too big and turns out I should have used 3/8" like I normally do. The dress wound up a bit too small. Eek!

Sunday, I had an amazing static trapeze class. I finally feel back. I am finally starting to feel more fluid and trusting myself. The class energy is amazing to boot.  No superstars. We all bounce energy off each other and yet work independently.  While one student was working with the trapeze very low, I tried a trick I have been frightened of since I not only fell but got trapped in the trapeze (not mine) back in April. This time knowing the trapeze was low I figured if I fell again at least I wouldn't be trapped in the air since the mat was about 2 feet below me. I did the trick TWICE. It's not polished by far but I did it and unassisted.  Now I was feeling daring and went for a spin on my friends trapeze that was higher yet still low. This is a spin we had learned my first day back and I wound up cracking my toe on the bar. I have done it a few times since but sporadically. I did this TWICE unassisted and squealed after the first time. It's the first time I have done it without feeling like I was going to slip off. We have been working on other things but I also toyed with old tricks. Most of my static tricks I have been told to not put online (particularly in the last two weeks as students have been asking).  However, I can put up the older tricks. 

Sunday night, I fixed the Rock and Roll Forever Jem dress. 

Today, I wasn't myself. I slept in because I could. I got up around 1pm after having loads of night sweats (somewhat common for me).  I woke up drenched twice and I sleep with a sheet and a fleece blanket. My heat is not on intentionally.  I know I will heat myself so I haven't turned it on but last night was exceptional.

I went out to Joann's for a sports zipper to fix the size issue on the rockabilly dress. While in Joann's I started overheating. To add to this it felt like my brain was shaking with every step (and noise). Not fun. When I made it out of Joann's, I sat in my car for awhile with the AC on blast. It's mid-October and it was 62* when I blasted the AC in the car. Thankfully I had the AC fixed. I got home around 4/5pm and laid back in bed only to wake up at 8:30pm. Sleeping the day away... 

I decided to at least add this zipper fix to my dress. I went with this type of zipper because the coils are plastic and the tape is wide. I removed the original zipper and put this one in so that only the very edges of the tape were sewn in. It added about 1 inch to the dress and now it fits pretty perfectly.  I am not thrilled with how ugly that zipper looks on the side but for now I have a waspie corset I can wear with it. 

Alas it's time to hit the shower and the sheets before starting my first two job day tomorrow (today actually). Sigh.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

NYCC 2016: Thursday

I went to New York Comic Con on only Thursday this year. 

I was beyond excited to see Gen Broomhall in Artist Alley and I even got to pick up a new pony.  I made an effort to hunt down my missing issues of Jem as well. Now I can get caught up.

Here are the few pictures from my day at NYCC.


Skeletor will be an ornament in 2017...

My hero!

The items I purchased!

I have officially tried bubble tea. This one was alcoholic, but I can say now that I definitely do not like bubble tea. Nope. 

Broken Zipper is now a Fixed Zipper

At JemCon this year, I had the misfortune of having the zipper on my dress break and bust open. 

Either tonight or tomorrow, I am replacing the zipper. Tonight, I took the broken zipper out and fixed it.

Originally I thought the zipper was a goner but when I took it out I remembered that I used to be pretty decent at getting a zipper back on it's correct track. 

You can see in the above pictures what happened. I personally think this Zipper was defective. I have never had a zipper break whether it be invisible or not.  The fun part was trying to get out of the dress with the zipper pull suck at unfortunate areas.  I was able to escape my dress!

Here is the zipper after being seam ripped out and freed from all the little threads. 

I didn't take a picture showing how off the thread on the zipper was but it was pretty decent. With the pull at the top and the entire tread open underneath I kept pulling and tugging on the sides to pop them back into place.  Eventually, I won. 

There she is with the bottom set correctly again!

Now the entire zipper fixed and zipped up.  Being that I do believe this zipper is defective, I will not be using again for anything substantial.  Maybe a skirt zipper but nothing requiring the entire length as I do not trust it. 

But yay, it's out and fixed!

Saturday, October 8, 2016