Friday, January 6, 2012

United We Stand, Divided We Fall

Has anyone ever found themselves as a piece of the puzzle in a tricky argument yet detached from it altogether?  I know I can’t be the only one.

I find myself in this position often where people share pieces of their lives with me freely.  I would like to think it’s because I choose to not judge, but listen.  I don’t care for arguments or extra stress.  I find many of my girlfriends lean on me when they are acting rebellious which sometimes leaves me wondering how I became the “party friend” when I don’t like to party.  Again, I like to think it’s because I let them just be without repercussion.  I do give them my two cents but I don’t drill it in.  Sometimes I don’t even give an opinion because sometimes I just don’t have one or I know its better left unsaid.

That said it allows me to know people on a different level.  A bit more personal, I guess.  Twice yesterday I found myself in situations where I had information but kept it to myself.  Why?  Because it’s not my information to share.  A very good friend of mine was fired from his job and when I was asked about it I responded with “yes it did happen, but ask him about it.  It’s not my information to disclose.”  Later in the day I was asked about why it happened and I responded saying “I am not sure.  There are two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in the middle and I haven’t heard the other side nor do I want to hear it.”  This doesn’t mean the events that happened did not take place.  It has more to do with the perception of those involved.  It also doesn’t mean that I agree with what happened.  It’s a complicated process of remaining loyal and respectful when one is not around to defend themselves.  Sad thing is I enjoy the company of all parties involved.

Yet again today a rift between people I care about happened.  Also another situation I was not involved in and I do not want to be involved in.  Without getting myself involved and explaining exactly what, I actually do understand where each person is coming from.  Problem with this one is that I see the potential for it to cause a massive divide between a group and that is never good.  It also may be just the outspoken opinion of one being passed off to another (outside person) without consent.  I say this because it’s been known to happen.  I know that because I am the person people talk too.  That outside person is a very good friend of mine and I have listened to the gripes and even seen awful behavior which causes this persons emotions to become quite strong and valid, but no one knows that side.

The idea of this group being divided really bothers me and gives me quite a few questions for the future that I cannot elaborate on now.  I do think that as a society we need to be more accepting of other peoples perceptions.  I have had it happen on this blog where I have written about personal experience and been told it was hurtful to someone else.  The sad thing is the person that brought this issue up views life in their perception and forgets that someone else may see the story differently.  Often I see things very differently from those around me.  My honest and clear perception tend to get me in a lot of trouble.  It’s not because I enjoy drama, but because people don’t like hearing the truth.  I dated a guy last year that suddenly had problems with everything I did even though I had not changed any habits and then I told him what I already knew.  He was dating someone else.  This wasn’t a first for me.  This truth caused a huge uproar of denial and unkind words.  Two weeks later he fessed up to dating someone else and to this day insists it was not prior to that moment.  Even though other don’t want to speak the truth because they don’t want to hear it, I find the truth to be easier to handle.  If something is wrong and I am upset, do not lye to me about it to spare my feelings because it’s just going to be harder in the long run.

Back to perception, I wrote a personal blog about my perception on something very humbling.  I wrote about my feelings and lack of emotional support.  I did not include names, because names were not needed.  As a general rule I do not use names on this blog for anything that could potentially upset someone.  For the most part I try to keep things light and upbeat here anyway so I don’t usually need to shadow anything.  You will notice I just used four different situations and not one of them included a name.  I learned from my MySpace blog days to just say no to names.  You would be surprised just how many insecure people are looking for something to be upset about, but if you look hard enough you will always find it in any situation.  So stop looking.

So my blog was deemed hurtful because I did not mention a name of someone in it, because I claimed I was alone when this persons perception says that is not true.  Reality is this person was not there emotionally even though the believe they were.  I truly believe they tried, but it wasn’t emotional support and that’s what I needed.  I needed to talk over coffee and pancakes.  I need to have real human interaction to gain that emotional support and that’s not what I had.  That’s my perception and I am entitled to it.  It’s not meant to knock anyone down or make anyone feel bad.  It’s just my perception.  In the blog I did not get into this piece of the puzzle because as deflated as I felt by it I thought to say something would be in bad taste no matter if I was honest or not.

My point is we are all very different people with very different perceptions and that’s something we truly need to understand about one another.  When things are written we read them in our own perception by default but try to think about who is writing it and what they are actually trying to convey.   Read between the lines.  If it happens to be someone you know, read it with an open mind.

I once had a friend tell me that they had a hard time understanding my text messages until they started reading them in the manner that I talk and act.  So if you know the person well enough read it with that persons mind.  I also have a habit of starting a conversation through text as though we have been in the conversation for sometime.  Oddly enough I now have a friend that does this to me now.

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
~Anne Frank