Sunday, February 19, 2012

Dreams and Ghosts, oh my!

I know not everyone remembers their dreams, but we all dream nightly.  It's a matter of whether or not we remember them.  I have had plenty of dreams during the night that I wish I had forgotten before waking and some that I am glad I remember.  The last two nights, well... they just seemed like an emotional tease.

Now I have more faith in astrology, psychics, tarot, dream reading, ghosts, and instinct that I have ever had in any religion.  Not saying I do not believe in a higher power.  I just believe in being a good person, doing the right things when I can, and following my own path.

I had a weird thing happen with astrology today.  This was my horoscope: "Get on the horn or fire up the email -- connections with those who are afar need to be rekindled, whether they're work related, friends or relatives.  Don't be surprised if you get some interesting news, too.  Lucky time of day: 4pm."  I had read this before I went to bed.  Sometimes if I am up late enough (especially if I am feeling down) I will check my scope for the next day and it gives me a little something to look forward to.  So I went to bed and then when I woke up I read some email.  Later on forgetting I had read the scope already I read it again.  I went back into my email.  Oh!

I keep whining about my ex-boyfriends constantly trying to creep back into my life.  I have spoken on this blog about the one that was trying to talk to me through eBay's messaging system and I finally told him to use my email which he did and I told him I had no interest in speaking with him unless it was something important and that is the truth.  I don't have any interest in continuing or rekindling any type of relationship with old boyfriends, ever.  Once I said that he finally stopped emailing me.  Finally.

Until this morning at 4am in an email.  Weirdness.  No I didn't respond.  I stick to my decisions and I already told him what it was.

I have also had psychic dreams.  Most recently last month when a coworker called me at work to tell me she was back from medical leave and then the following day she appeared at my office back from medical leave.  Weirdness.

The last two nights in a row I dreamed about someone I am trying to push out of my mind because this person has not been treating me well and I am aware of it and I have acknowledged it several times directly to the person yet the problem persists.  Otherwise I wouldn't be writing this, we would be talking about it in private but since this person doesn't really exist in my life that just seems highly unlikely to ever occur in this lifetime.

I hate when I dream like this.  I hate when I am trying to move out but my dreams push me back in.  Not that either were bad dreams.  They were actually very good dreams that left me waking up feeling warm, respected, and cared for but it's very opposite of the reality I have with the person.  I can't tell if dream is showing me what I want or how wrong my current reality is.  Maybe I do need to trust this person like I used to.  Maybe they aren't being the bad person I think.  Or maybe I am right but I still have some hope of a kinship that needs to be squashed immediately, which I honestly think is the case as do other people in my life.

So I don't know but I have come to think of dreams like this as a departure.  As if I have to say goodbye both in the real world and in the dream world.  I have had dreams similar to this before with different people being the players and they always feel like an emotional tease which makes them really hard to deal with in the day time.

I don't get what my head is doing lately anyway, but the last two nights dreams certainly have not helped.

And yes I believe in ghosts.  100% completely believe in them.  I have had paranormal experiences before but the one I had when my grandmother passed away made me a believer with out any doubts. 

When my grandmother passed away I was staying in her house during the wake and funeral.  I refused the stay in her room though.  I would have slept on the floor in the hallway if that was the only other option.  She had a guest room which had been my grandfathers before they got divorced and he passed on.  I stayed in that room.  When I first went into my grandmothers house after she had passed on I felt a lot of pressure in my head, mostly in my ears and ringing.  I wasn't in the house much as I was at the wakes, the funeral, and my Aunts during a short trip.  The few moments I was in the house every single time I went into the kitchen that same pressure and ringing would happen.  It was so strong and powerful I would have to leave the room because it made me dizzy and would hurt a little after a few moments.  No one else noticed the pressure either, just me.

I had been to my grandmothers plenty of times and this not something that had ever happened to me in her kitchen or anywhere.  Granted it is Maine and the air pressure might be different, but this was completely new and only happening in one room.  I have been there since and it has never happened again.  It was the strongest the first time I walked in the kitchen and then weaker the following, until she was gone.  I think my grandmother was saying goodbye to me before she completely passed on.  I think she had been waiting for me to get to the house before she left us.

When I was in my first year of college upstate I went home for a random weekend and when I returned to my dorm my roommate was too scared to sleep in our dorm.  She had been slept there alone on previous weekends when I went home, but this time when I came back it was clear something had freaked her out and she wouldn't talk about it.  She just went upstairs and stayed in a friends dorm for the night.  She called me at one point to check on me and then freaked out saying my voice had changed on the phone and hung up.  I knew something was obviously off so I made sure all the doors were locked before laying down in bed.  We lived in a quad so we had a door to the common room and in the common room was the door to the hallway.  Normally we only locked the hallway door, but in this case I locked both.  I laid down curled up as usual and faced the wall when something very bouncy sat on my bed right behind my knees and got up.  This hit the bed with force that couldn't be missed.  We did not have a pet.  No one was in the room except me.  Nothing was hanging on the ceiling.  The door had not been opened.  Out of fear, I chose to ignore whatever paranormal event that was happening and it left me alone after the one bounce.  Amazingly I fell asleep, but I didn't tell my roommate.  She was already too freaked out and I didn't want to scare her more.  At the end of the year my roommate started talking about it.  While I was away for the weekend something had been shaking her bed violently enough to give her a real scare among other things she wouldn't talk about.  I do think some spirits are naughty and they will mess with you if you let them.  I ignored this person and they left me alone when I didn't respond.

Then there was France.  Oh France.  I am sure my girlfriend who stayed with me will remember this one well.  We stayed in a renovated fortress for a few nights on our decent from Paris down to Nice.  It was known that the place was haunted with friendly spirits.  I remember sitting in the hallway waiting for the meal hall to open for dinner with ice on my ear, because someone got it caught in a crimping iron.  Don't worry she had some issues with hair appliances as well, but to this day I still rub my earlobe as though it is still burnt.  Anyway, I was sitting in the hallway with other students when the door to a courtyard opened and closed quietly on its own.  We all saw it happen.  Then my roommate had a few bathroom experiences that really leads me to believe in ghost mischief.  She was randomly locked out of the bathroom at one point, woke up to her toothbrush being wet, and at one point her razor was wet as well.  I didn't notice much of anything out of the ordinary, but ghosts don't really get me worked up.

One of my old boyfriends mothers homes had a ghost (the one I stayed with for a bit).  It was known that a spirit was there as electronics would randomly turn on.  Usually the kids toys as if they were being played with.  After his step father passed away during the holidays the train under their tree would be found on every morning which they assumed was him playing with the train because he loved trains.  Prior to that happening I had been staying over and I remember waking up and seeing a man standing over me at the right foot of the bed watching us sleep.  That scared me and I refused to get up when the alarm went off.  I had never and haven't since seen a ghost materialize.  It might be interesting if I had any idea who it was but I felt like my privacy had been violated by a stranger.

And then there is the working in a hospital.  I have seen the front doors open and close on their own many many times.  We have one elevator that opens on it's own at the same time everyday and no one is going in or out of it.  It's always possible someone is pushing the button and walking away, but it happens a touch too often.

Of course there are always those moments where "luck" saves me.  Friday, when I was driving to Brooklyn I hit a lot of traffic and I was very sleepy.  Sometimes I wind up daydreaming when I am driving and then I come back and get mad at myself, but when it happens often I wind up driving a touch faster then intended.  Friday when I got off of the LIE and was getting on to the BQE the traffic was moving much faster and I was dreamy until I just happened to come to with just enough time to slow down and avoid causing a major accident as traffic was backed up on the ramp going onto the BQE.  Not to mention all the times were I have been stuck in traffic to see an accident that just happened or being able to avoid other dumb drivers on some strange instinct.  I think when I come to it's a little slap from an angel or ghost watching out for me.  I have to wonder if anyone else feels that way.

I believe in all sorts of metaphysical type things.  I do not meditate and I probably should.  Maybe one of these days.

And no I don't want to go to bed because I don't want to have a third night of a similar dream.  :/