Saturday, March 3, 2012

Dream Dream Go Away...

There is nothing like a bad dream and a rude person to kill the mood.

So two nights ago I was having trouble staying asleep.  It was right after the tanning blog and I was feeling (still am) very distressed about it.  In the dream I was sleeping and being both tugged at and held down.  Something had my calf in it's grasp and was holding it firmly and awkwardly, because if it wasn't awkward I could have slept through it in my dream.  I manged to kick it off.  It then held my arm for a few seconds.  I got free.  Through this I was still pretty asleep in the dream so these were unconscious movements.  Ones I would probably do if it weren't a dream.  Where it's happening and I can recognize it but I am still out cold.

I am a side/stomach sleeper and I was sleeping this way in the dream.  Whatever this was laid down on my back side and started applying pressure.  I don't know what it was but in my dream I thought it was a ghost (and I do believe in ghosts).  The pressure was so heavy it was pinning me to the bed but it wasn't painful.  Highly uncomfortable but not painful.  It got so heavy I started trying to call out in aggravation and for help, but I couldn't.  I had no voice.  I could feel myself yelling out but no sound was evoked.

Now when I say dreams can be insightful to the waking world this is a perfect example.  The idea of being crushed has to do with something weighing heavy on me and feeling as though one is held back.  If you have read my previous post about tanning and work I think it's pretty obviously how held back I often feel there.  My dream pushed the envelope and showed me just how much its hurting me and how I lost my will to defend my actions therefore losing my voice.

However, frightening as this dream sounds it did not scare me.  I didn't consider it a nightmare.  I did not wake up panicked or frightened.  I woke up wondering "what was that?"  Yet it's dreams like this or ones where I dream of people I don't want to see that make me not want to sleep at night.  Yes I am talking about that "friend" that kept popping up repeatedly in my dreams a few weeks ago.

This afternoon, due to my lack of sleep, I fell asleep at about 5:30pm and woke up around 11:30pm from a dream that had me in a such an emotional state I was crying.  For the last three weeks I have been training other departments on a computer program I helped develop.  I have actually been more like part of the support team, answering questions, fixing log in issues, and helping people stay on track.  Today was the very last day of training.  I have become fairly friendly with one of the trainers as we often have to work together on bookings.  In my dream we had been working together and suddenly she wanted nothing to do with me in a working sense.  I also somehow checked her into a future air flight with her daughter (she doesn't have a daughter).  But being rejected by a "friend" in a work environment killed me and I couldn't not cry in the dream.  I started actually crying which woke me up.

I really think it has to do with our training sessions being over and knowing we won't be chatting much in the future, but it seriously doesn't make me want to sleep.  I also woke up to a frustrating message from the "friend" in the repeating dreams, which did not help one bit.

I thought I would be asleep right now, but instead I am awake and very much frustrated.  I should be super excited to meet my girl in the city tomorrow and I am, but I am very flustered.  Hopefully, I can sleep and then wake up brand new.  When I woke up crying I popped out of bed thinking I was super late to meet her!  Augh!