It's been a bit of a busy week, one that has been emotionally stressful but it seems to be going around and I am in good company. The problem with that is the lack of support.
I have come to find very few people can offer support when in their own type of turmoil. I think for the most part we all have something at every moment that is not what we would like in our lives and depending on the person it could be something with a great impact or little.
Often sitting with a girlfriend of mine we have talked about how both of us have been through some very hard times and things that shatter other people do not bother us in the same manner.
So I understand why people are generally not available for a pick me up chat. I tend to seek out those that I generally support, subconsciously as a give take, but it doesn't work that way. Then there are always people that claim they will always be around when ever you need them, but every time those are just words and their actions fail. I think most of us want to be that good person but in the end we are much to self absorbed to do so and maybe sometimes we don't understand other peoples cries for help as cries for help.
Recently the same girlfriend had something very serious happen in her life and she facebook messaged me that she missed me and I didn't know what had happened and I didn't know that was her way of telling me she needed me. She is that person that doesn't say what she needs when it comes to an emotional level.
A few months back a different girlfriend called me at midnight. Now I am not so old that midnight is extremely late nor am I so young that it's normal. I don't think midnight phone calls have ever been normal for me. These days phone calls in general are rare (but so important). I do get text messages late into the night but normally from my west coast friends that do not realize just how late it is. Just like when I text them in the morning and forget its 4am by them. Whoops.
So when my phone rang at midnight (and I was awake) it startled me and I knew something was wrong. That night my friend had asked me how I deal, stay happy, and keep it together despite everything. Honestly, I am not sure I cope very well. For the most part I am happy but I do have my moments when I am very much not as I was this week.
This week I very much felt as though I was falling apart in the manner that fabric disintegrates. All I really want is for a good friend to pick up the phone let me babble about and tell me it's going to be okay. That's it. It's that simple, yet nothing seems to be simple these days.
I left work sick Monday and attempted to get a B12 shot because I can feel myself needing it (that and waking up in the morning and my sleep habits are getting very difficult again). They pretty much said no to letting me make an appointment or come in as a walk in and that's when I really fell apart. I had already tried to contact a friend or two about what is going on and had no response. I then tried a few others and again no response. I don't blame people for having their own lives and their own problems but it's very isolating for me at times. In a way it makes me not want to be there when others ask for my support but that's not me and the nurturing side of me truly enjoys listening.
I feel like I am rambling about nonsense right now. Quite a bit is rolling through my mind. There are lots of changes to be made, but I can't discuss what has me so upset publicly because it is work related and there are people from my work that read this blog and this particular issue can not be spoken to anyone at work in any form which makes me feel even more isolated.
I have just recently reacquainted myself with my love of tea. In the last week I have picked up about five boxes and I am sure I have tea to last me through to next year. While at the food show yesterday I made a point of checking out a tea manufacturer for personal interest (not work). I had been by the booth and pulled three of the tea bag samples Mango Green Tea, Chocolate Rooibos Tea, and Jasmine Green Tea before getting bombarded by rude show attendees. My second trip over I asked the representative about the display. He showed me different types of tea bags and explained to me that the more crushed and chopped a tea is the less nutritious it is because each time the tea is broken it looses nutrients. I then asked him about the shelf life of tea, because I really do not know. He told me that tea in individual packaging can last for years particularly whole leaf. Tea bags that are stored in boxed without sealed envelopes inside turn quickly because once the box is opened they oxidize in the air, he used Lipton's pyramid bags as an example. I can't stand Lipton tea in any form. Loose tea has a short shelf life as well. We had an interesting conversation and I tried the mango tea today which was amazing. However this brand of tea is only currently stocked in Saks 5th. Ugggggg...
This sent me out to the grocery store last night for some more tea, like I don't have enough. My new tea craze is echinacea tea which is why I went to the grocery store because I am running low. I found that Yogi Tea (a favorite of mine) has less Echinacea then Celestial Seasonings. However, Celestial Seasonings is not packaged in envelopes and Yogi is. I bought both. This way I have a box at home and a box at work. I also picked up a relaxation assortment from Yogi Tea which has a Kava tea I really want to try. Tonight I went for my favorite Bedtime tea. The smell alone puts me in heaven. Yogi tea is not only wonderful tea but it also comes with tea wisdom on each tea bag.
"You must know that you can swim through every tide and change of time."
~ Yogi Tea Wisdom ~
How perfect is that for my life right now. It's exactly what I needed to hear (or read). My oh my do I love my teas.