Sunday, April 7, 2013

Not the Best of Days...

After having a wonderful day Saturday, today (Sunday) was very much the opposite and I am left being very much not myself.  I am so much not myself that I have a large cup of vodka sitting next to me.

So today didn’t start out bad, it actually started out really good.  I stayed at my friend Connie’s and actually slept a good solid 9 hours.  That tends to happen when I am in the mountains, plus I think not having any noises to disturb really helped a lot.  I was woken up for a few seconds at what I think might have been 7am when her 5 year old daughter came in to give me good morning kiss on the cheek.  Your heart is melting right?  Mine did.

So I slept soundly and for quite a bit which I am very sure I needed since it was a very busy weekend and I have a hard time getting a full night in my apartment lately.  So I got up, got dressed for ballet and aerials, and then played with her daughter before heading back to Brooklyn.  I had already decided I was going to drive through Manhattan.  Last time I left the Poconos it took quite a few tries to get my GPS to detour around Manhattan because I would basically be going out of the way to come back into the city area.  I also inadvertently drove through Manhattan by mistake on one of my Philly trips (which my GOS tried to reroute me to several times this trip.  That particular ride through Manhattan was fine and somewhat stress free.  That said, I thought my big fear of driving in Manhattan was over so I decided to do it again since it was much more direct.

Very bad idea indeed.  My GPS took me through the Lincoln tunnel which was an absolute nightmare.  The traffic was horrid, but it didn’t get really bad until I got into Manhattan.  Once out of the Lincoln Tunnel, I was met with ridiculous traffic and crazy drivers.  After sitting on Dyer Street on one block for 15 minutes I realized there was no way I could make it to my prepaid Ballet class.  This was supposed to be my first class and it’s beyond embarrassing for me to be a no show.  I was supposed to be meeting one of my friends there so while sitting on Dyer Street I sent her a text message letting her know I was not going to make it.

NYC traffic was absolutely horrific.  I kept it together for awhile, but by time I made to the Mid Town Tunnel only to find that the entrance was closed for construction I lost it.  I started hysterically crying in the car.  I felt like I had somehow survived making it that far to be denied and stuck on the island I desperately wanted off of.

Now the entrance is closed, but people are in the turn lane and they need to get into my lane, plus the people to the right of me were trying to get into my lane.  I found myself nearly being T-boned by four SUV’s at once.  Shortly after a double bus was next to me and they make me uncomfortable so I slowed down.  Sure enough, the double bus cut me off.  Now regardless if the turn signal was on, I can’t see it because I was next to the bus and not behind it.  At least our buses out here have lights on the side view mirrors.  So I almost got creamed by all those cars and then a bus.  Plus several more smaller traffic infractions.

So once I couldn’t figure out how to get into the Mid Town Tunnel and I knew there was no way I could make it to my ballet class I rerouted to my trapeze school.  This involved traveling down 2nd avenue until my GPS told me to stay left (staying on 2nd Ave) which wouldn’t up sending me to an intersection where I turned onto a different street and even though I had a green light and I hesitated mid turn because I knew I should have gone straight the oncoming traffic nearly took off during my hesitation.  I saw a heard of vehicles coming straight for me.  I freaked out and started crying again.

The absolute worst part of driving through Manhattan was the horn honking.  In every traffic jam (and there were a lot) people just laid on their horns as though this magically makes traffic move.  Here I am completely out of my element and scared and the horns were making it so much worse.

So I made that wonky turn off of 2nd Ave and then a right.  My GPS then asked me to make a left onto Delancey.  That would have been fabulous if it wasn’t a no left turn intersection!  So yet again I had to take a weird detour to get to Delancey, which took me over the Williamsburg Bridge.  Finally out of Manhattan!  It only took, oh… an hour and 45 minutes.  I am not kidding one bit.  I should have been at the studio for ballet at 2:16.  I got into Williamsburg at just prior to 4pm (exactly when the class ends).

Brooklyn was no walk in the park either but the traffic was not nearly as bad.  Parking was a nightmare.  The second I parked I called the studio and asked if I could use my missed class next week.  I know this is not normally the policy at any studio but I figured it doesn’t hurt to ask.  I was correct that it is not their policy, but they allowed it.  So my first ballet class that I was so excited about was moved to next weekend.  That makes things a little better.

In the midst of this, I did not eat all day long.  When I left the Poconos, I had not eaten.  I also left 20 minutes later then I had intended.  I had been hoping to find a smoothie place so I could have a protein shake like I usually do Sunday morning.  I also thought I would have time prior to and after ballet to get something in my system.  I am sure this was not helping my emotional state and panic attacks driving through the city.  Once, I got off the phone with the studio, I took off walking in search of food.  I would up at Subway and as my fabulous luck would have it after purchasing my sandwich I wound up eating in my car as there was no seating available.  Sad face.

So I then spent 30 minutes driving around by my trapeze gym looking for closer parking.  Brooklyn was absolutely insane.  I had would up parking a good 5 blocks away and I walked to the gym, but I wound up moving the car much closer.

TWO highlights today:  I successfully parallel parked in Brooklyn today (and once in Philly yesterday).  It’s something I can do apparently, I just chose not to.  It scares me.

Next I wound up at my trapeze gym having class with three friends and I wound up having a frustrating class.  Not only frustrating but a dangerous class.  We have been working on hip circles since NOVEMBER (or I have anyway).  I was almost getting them and now I am making huge mistakes.  I fell one too many times and nearly missed cracking my jaw on the bar.  I have burns all over my forearms right now and I can say I never want to attempt another one again in class.  It’s hard to suddenly fail repeatedly and in epic fashion in front of a crowd where everyone else is succeeding.  I don’t want to continue doing so.  The actual trick is now getting worse because I am upset about it so I am not giving my all and instead am self conscious as others are intently watching me fall to the floor.  So I am officially giving up on my goal.  Done.  I pretty much gave up in class already anyway.  If I keep almost breaking my face eventually I won’t be pressured to do a trick I no longer want to do.

So class ends and then I run to wash my chalk covered hands off and come to find a different friend of mine almost knocked a tooth out on the German Wheel.  Ouch!  I return to find my classmates no longer in the gym and my things still there being moved around by people that I do not know.  This freaked me out more as my equipment and purse had been left unattended and things tend to get stolen there.  This won’t happen again though as I will not leave anything of mine in the gym again.  I learn.  Last thing I need is my wallet getting stolen especially after having my ATM card go missing at the movie theater.

I left class and hit the tear button again and now that I am home, I still want to cry.   I have so much pent up frustration and I used to be able to get it out at trapeze and I can’t now.  Plus I finally have a little bit of time home this week and I am being pulled from it.  I am so not a happy Ally.  I am trying to deal.

My life is a ridiculous rollercoaster.  Yesterday, was so much fun.   Even driving into the city, I couldn’t wait to get through today just to write about it.  Today was awful.  I always have these extreme highs and lows.  I can’t stay at one mid level.  I will still write about Saturday, but I wanted to get the bad day out first.

I will be going to see Jurassic Park in 3D Tuesday which is awesome.  I needed something to look forward to so I made some plans.  Gosh.  This week really started with a bang… 

Oh, I will NEVER drive through a Manhattan tunnel again.  Never.