Monday, May 25, 2015

Klutz: Face Smashing

I am not only a goofball but a bit of a klutz.  I have a fine habit of tripping over my own feet, falling down stairs, bouncing off door frames particularly, and smacking my face/head into things.  Yep.  That's me but I have a sense of humor about it.

Actually I had a really bad fall down a flight of stairs at the Lynbrook LIRR train station way back in 2000 and because of it I am pretty terrified of falling down stairs.  I never really got over that one and while I wasn't injured beyond bruises and strange pains it wasn't funny.  It still haunts me 15 years later.  Sigh.  Don't worry.  I still walk down stairs!  I just walk slower then other people and sometimes take a head start in groups.  Ha.  Practical thinking.

So the real point of this post is to poke fun at our (really my) silly klutz moments and in particular some golden moments of me hitting my face/head on things.

So most of my glorious moments happen at work and often with no witnesses.  We have this storage room where we stock the soda, wine, and vending snacks  (when an emergency hits I am charging admission for access, ha).  It has been renovated a few times to the current state that I will call "klutz proofed" but prior to that I cracked my face in there at least twice.

The old set up had a big storage rack behind the door and on it was a lot of random things one of which was a huge and horribly dusty tray with computer parts on it.  I assume the computer pieces belonged to a printer that had long been broken and gone but we saved the piece because you never know... errr.  Anyway, the tray jutted out from the shelf a bit and I was back there doing something.  I was clearly not paying attention to my surroundings and cracked my face good and hard on the tray right on the bridge of my nose.  I had a big red welt.  I was lucky nothing was sticking off of the tray.

Then they added a white shelf to the left of the door.  From the moment they added the shelf we all said someone is going to hit there head on that shelf.  It was also eye level.  Yay.  Perfect!  Storage rooms are super safe (sarcasm).  After we had done a "renovation" to that room (with the shelf still there), we moved something underneath the shelf.  Now normally when I stocked the room I kept a box hanging off the shelf to help prevent anyone from hitting that corner.  I figure the corner of a box of chips is much softer then the shelf, but things get moved in there.  So I go in to get paper from under the shelf and I dive right on down to get that paper and I crack my forehead on the corner of that stupid shelf.  A nice sweet dent to the forehead. 

Since then we have renovated the room a bit more and finally that stupid shelf is GONE.  We still have the pieces.  I wish they would let me burn it.

Then there was the time I closed the ice machine lid (big stainless steel lid, industrial) and while the lid was closing I had a confused moment and dove back for ice getting my head hit by the lid.  Smart!  These things happen when working fast though.

I have hit my head numerous times getting into the car.  I am short.  I don't understand why I have such and issue getting into my own car without cracking the side of my head on the door frame but I do.

Yesterday, I was working on practical crafting and creating a privacy piece for the truck of my car.  It required me to be outside at the back of the car and in the back seat at various times.  I was almost finished and so excited that I ran full force into my back seat.  I attempted to get in as I should, but I guess I didn't lower my head enough because I cracked the front crown of my head exceptionally hard.  I curled up into a ball in the car and wondered if a neighbor got a good chuckle.  I find it funny.  It didn't actually hurt until 24 hours later and I currently have a welt up there.  Oh well.

Then again I had Alka Seltzer last night and had some adult beverages so if it was hurting I have no idea.  Ha!

So the CROWN JEWEL of cracking my face moments happened at the Home Goods Store.  See when I am tired or if my B12 is low I am a bigger klutz then normal.  Home Goods has glass shelves in their kitchen area particularly.  I don't remember what but I was looking at something.  I leaned in to get a closer look and like a bird I cracked my face on a glass shelf.  I hit hard and it was loud.  I recall standing up and thinking "don't look around, just walk away."  I shimmied off.  I still can't believe I hit my face on a glass shelf.

I have so many more klutz moments generally involving me walking into carts, closets, doors, and particularly door frames.  You know when you are walking fast and you turn but just a touch too soon?  I do that a lot.

I hope you enjoyed my face smacking moments.  What klutz moments have you had?

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