We almost lost someone we love very much. Thankfully, we did not. I refuse to discuss those details public as they are extremely personal but it got me thinking.
In the time that we didn't know what the outcome was, I couldn't help but think how glad I was that I saw this person last weekend at EternalCon. I am so glad I spent so much time with this person. I am so glad I spent goofy happy times with this person and our friends. I am glad I didn't waste time with people less deserving of my time (which I learned over the weekend).
Over the last few years, I have become more selective with who I keep closer in heart and it's become quite a powerful anxiety coping skill. I spent a lot of time this weekend with friends from out of state that I see once a year at EternalCon fearing not spending enough time with other friends I really made an effort to break away and found myself feeling degraded and uncomfortable. So I went back to my main group of friends and a new group across the way deciding I was both unwelcome and if they wanted to see me they could and some did come over.
My point being don't waste time around anyone that makes you uncomfortable or feel disrespected. It doesn't get better. Trust me.
Spend your time with people who have earned it, who are loyal, and make you feel good about yourself. I don't regret one second of the time I spent with my friends last weekend because if that was the last time I saw one of them, as horrible of a thought, I would be content with the pleasant memory.
If this gets thrown in my face, I don't care. Those people are closer to being my family then my actual family. I am so glad things appear to be better but that afternoon earlier this week it was as if last weekend had been a dream. I felt shattered, confused, and I just wanted to be held but the thought of those last moments actually made me feel much sounder.
Yeah, you all thought I had my sh*t together didn't you? I have learned I have my own weird response to fear in which I kind of do a quiet panic.