Monday, July 6, 2015

Waking Up Angry

For the first time that I can recall, I woke up this morning angry. I don't mean just bothered, I mean absolutely angry.

I had gone to sleep bothered and frustrated but I woke up to text messages which would be fine normally but today it sent me in to a fury until I realized it was one of my favorite lady friends.

However, I remained horribly angry. I went to work. People knew I was off. I told people I wasn't in the best moods and as usual I really don't want to inadvertently take it out on anyone.  So people pretty much just gave me my space.

At one point, I was asked some rather important questions and while I had calmed a lot just asking me questions switched the angry knob right back on.  It was obvious I was getting abnormally upset. When I was okay to leave I thought for sure I would be written up because no matter how hard I was trying to contain my emotions, that have nothing to do with my work life, I was failing horribly.  This just sent me to a sad angry space.

Lucky for me, I am not being written up.  The parties involved just allowed me space.  Given this time I was able to focus on work and get some needed reports finished up. I chose to not go on my regular break with the staff opting for an hour break where I can leave the building and be alone. 

By 1pm, I lightened up and started to feel myself again.

Some what throughout the day I kept in touch with my lady friend, because I didn't really have my phone on me intentionally.  At some point, I know my anxiety medicine kicked in and helped but it's always better to chat with someone that gets it without judgement. I have very few people in my life that can really help calm me down and the best one I am still pretty upset with. Sigh.

The sheer fact that I tailspined back to angry when asked basic questions speaks volumes. Have you ever felt completely smothered by questions and the needs/desires of others?

For the most part, I am always answering questions when it comes to work things and it can be pretty suffocating at times. Recently, I have felt very much suffocated by life outside of work so I can't handle it when I am at work and that's not okay.

It's not costuming and it's not circus life. It's everything else.  I just can't handle it lately.  Sigh.

I try so hard to keep personal life and work life separate but emotions just spill over whether I want them to or not.

I am feeling better now but not perfect. I am about to curl up and watch the American Kath & Kim because I really enjoyed that show and I just got it in the mail. Silly comedy.  I might indulge in a bath as well.  Relaxing things.