Thursday, November 26, 2015

Giving Thanks

It's Thanksgiving and while it's not a holiday I typically celebrate these days I find myself with something to be quite thankful for that just happened at the perfect moment.

I was invited to my friends Thanksgiving dinner but due to a number of factors earlier in the week I choose not to go.  I still was partly willing to maybe go depending on if I was up to it today but I had a horrible anxiety attack yesterday and I was awake until 6am until I could sleep without disturbing myself.  So clearly doing anything today is out of the question.

Anyway, something that's been going on in my life that I don't talk much about is a lack of family. It's not really that I don't have any family. I wasn't raised around my fathers side of the family, but I do know them now. I was raised around my mothers side of the family but it's exceptionally small.  Both my mother and fathers families are in different states that are a decent drive from me, mostly Maine, Florida, and Texas.

Since my 30s I have reconnected with my step family that I spent the best years of my childhood with and that has been amazing.

My previous post I mentioned childhood abuse, the abuser was my mother.  I have not had contact with her in 12 years. So in that time the majority of my family concept has been me, my aunt, and my two cousins on my mothers side. In very recent years they have completely disappeared from my life and it's been emotionally catastrophic.

In the last few months, I finally stopped trying because it hurt me too much.  Months before my surgery, I tried to find out if we had any history of cancer on my mothers side. No answer. The day of surgery, I finally let them know I was having surgery. No response. Until a week later which was horribly upsetting. The people I work with care more then my family does. It puts you in a state of mind where if I died tomorrow they just wouldn't care.

So that's the long gross back story. I have been a bit on edge and bummed because of that and other things but yesterday I picked up my mail because I knew I had my gold trimmed ribbon packet and a pony waiting. To my surprise I had four packages. I saw one was a shirt that was supposed to ship in MARCH. Finally. The other I didn't notice until I got in the car.

It was a weighty priority mail envelope from my Stepdad Joe. I opened it to find it was an early birthday gift with some surprising information but all sort of contact info to keep in touch and how I need to visit. Now my Stepdad has no idea what has been going on because I don't talk about it. It's upsetting and I cry and I would rather not. I had an inkling he was moving but I didn't know when or where. Florida of course. Ha.

When I got home from work, I opened the card and the actual gift.  Check this out. 

I had an awful day and this brought me to tears. I have been talking about the Supergirl TV Show quite a bit but this is the most thoughtful thing. My heart melted.

So I am thankful for my Stepdad reminding me that while one part of family is causing me pain and neglect that I do have family that cares. This couldn't have arrived at a better time.  Happy tears. 

Recently I have also been talking to my father a bit more which is good.  So things are looking up.  Funny that as a kid I really loved the show My Two Dads. I wanted to BE Stacy and here I am with two dads.