Sunday, February 28, 2016

Thoughts: The Witch

I love witches (and ghosts too), but witches more.  So while I am partial to seeing horrors or scary movies in the theater, this one grabbed my attention.

I don't normally see horror or scary films in the theater because I tend to find them ridiculous and never scary or horrific.  I laugh often, so I am better off watching them at home and not ruining the experience for other movie goers.

This movie I took a rare chance on.  I figured if I found it ridiculous I could attempt to contain my giggles.  The promotion the did on social media really pulled me into this.  Plus, I don't get to see many films about witches these days.  Vampires and werewolves or fairy-tale wizards and witches are everywhere but give me some good old real witches.

I don't intend to spend this post discussing the film itself, but while the film did not frighten me (I am a tough scare) I do recommend this film.

Heading into The Witch, I wasn't too sure what The Witch was about other then a witch and folklore from New England.  There was something mysterious and appealing about it.

Watching the film, I wasn't nearly as stunned as I should have been.  I wasn't horrified.  I felt truly empathetic for Thomasin (the lead female).  I was taken back by how much her relationship with her mother Katherine echoed my own with my mother.  Oddly my relationship with my mother and having Christianity forced on me in a semi cruel manner has pushed me to a more pagan life.

Some of the things that happened in the movie brought up intense feelings from my abusive childhood.  My mother wasn't the only abuser.  My second step father was exceptionally cruel while they were getting divorced and fighting recklessly for my brother (the golden child as it were, sorry bro you were at that time).  It's difficult to have someone who once wanted to adopt you turn on you because of nothing you did.  It was only to hurt my mother which is funny because I don't believe hurting me would have really hurt her.

During this time I was living in the house alone with him, he him one of his brothers moved my entire bedroom out of the house leaving me with no bed and very little clothing to wear.  He removed the door from my bedroom to make me uncomfortable so I would have no privacy.  I slept on the floor in a Lady Lovely Locks sleeping bag that I still had and they forgot to take because they had removed my bed.  He had tried to tell me that he was going to change the locks so that I would be homeless, but I had been told this was illegal.  He had already had the phone disconnected in the house, but emergency always works.  So I had to call 911 and have a report written up where the cops told him he could not legally change the locks to the house without giving me a key.  While I had been in the police car, he removed my phone.  Eventually, he gave me a phone back but it was a different phone.  Everyday after that I traveled to the 10th grade with my corded house phone and every night I slept with it under my pillow.  During that time, living in that house I had the worst nightmares.  I was under terrible stress.  When I finally got out because my aunt moved me, I thought it would be better but things got worse in a different way.  To this day I cannot look at that man.  I can't understand how anyone can do that to a child.

My mother I have discussed before, but that relationship between Katherine and Thomasin nailed it.  On the outside, everything was great and I was the perfect daughter.  I got good grades.  I was never in trouble. I had job.  I did cool productive things, but on the inside, I think I represent everything she couldn't be so she took it out on me.  I was never good enough.  I wasn't thin enough.  I wasn't pretty enough.  I wasn't smart enough.  She was almost always angry with me for everything.  One time I was screamed at for answering the phone and the next day she didn't remember it happened.  She would loose her keys drunk, show up at 3am, pound on the door, and then scream and pound at my window scaring the crap out of me and then berate me for not answering the door, but I wasn't allowed to be upset about it either.  I also was not allowed to cry.  I used to get screamed at for crying when I was young.  I clearly remember asking her to stop yelling at me and she told me she would only stop when I stopped crying.  I was hyperventilating and in the 5th grade.  I don't remember what had happened, only that I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom.  What she told other people and how it really was were so different.

In end, I never have to see my ex step father again and I left my abusive mother in 2004.  In many ways she has died in my life.  She still haunts me dreams.  Sometimes they are good and I think it's how I wish she could have been, but often it's continued abuse except I often have a good motherly figure with me (a particular friend of mine).  Lately, I have been having more of them.  Not too surprisingly, I had one Tuesday night after seeing The Witch.

The film had a really deep impact on me.  It brought up a lot of memories and old feelings.  It's not feelings the movie intends to give its viewers.  I think it also left me a tad cranky for the rest of the week.  I had a rather rough week dealing with a "tough" coworker.  Having that and all these emotions brought out didn't really make for the best combo but that's okay I got through it.

One of my girlfriends said it best when she described The Witch as more about the horror that takes place inside the home.  It was the perfect description because it brought me back to the horror of my childhood.

This film did not frighten me or horrify me, because I lived it in a manner of speaking.  I had no idea the impact this film would have on me.

Quite the opposite from yesterdays post.