Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Wild Dreams Should Be Broken? TRIGGER WARNING

I had a very weird, intense, and disturbing dream Sunday night.

After not sleeping well or much at all for several days (working two jobs and moving will do that), I got the best nights sleep Sunday night.  The best I have had in a very long time.  About an hour into being up, I started remembering my disturbing dreams.  Buckle up because this is upsetting and I am saying this is a TRIGGER WARNING.

There was a lot of rape and attempted rape/sexual assault in my dream on me and a friend of mine who I will not mention for obvious reasons.

So I probably have things a bit out of order.  I only really remember segmented pieces.

I was at the hot tub in the Albany hotel where JemCon had been located.  The hot tub was empty but me and a female friend of mine (who I don't actually know in real life) were going to use it.  I has a buss bin and went to fill it in the regular pool to dump in the hot tub and start filling it.  My friend stopped me both because there was a faucet and why on earth would I start putting cold water into a hot tub.  Next I remember being in the hot tub but the water wasn't hot and I was not wearing my bikini at all.  My friend was not around and off doing something before getting in.  I put my bottoms on because next thing I notice is I am still in the hot tub but with my female friend topless.  Apparently this person is a Jekyll and Hyde shaft shifter because suddenly she is a man across from me and has clear intentions that I want no part of.  There is discussion and I make comment that I like this person as the female version but they refuse to shift back.  Next thing I know I am running down a hallway away from said person holding down my chest because running and not doing that is painful.

In my dream, I am suddenly at home (maybe) and crying because I didn't like the movie and had to shut it off because it reminded me of being assaulted at some point (the movie was the first part of the dream).  I start thinking about a friend (a person I know) and how she was also assaulted (which has not happened to this person).  Suddenly I am in part of her story as she runs through and under bushes away from her attacker (with clothing on).  Eventually she is on rooftops (they are white and blue) and next thing I know we are in her room and she is trying to close her curtains so she can't be found.  The window had dark blue balloon curtains with white mini blinds.  I notice behind the mini blinds is another curtain type but more like a liner.

The next thing I remember was being in a possible court setting and a older man saying hello to me by name.  This person knows me but I can't figure out how.  His girlfriend asks me if I remember him and I admit I do not but slowly start recalling that he was my mothers lawyer in some case involving a boyfriend (typical).

I know there was more to the dream but as the day went on I started forgetting pieces as people typically do.

I think to the average person this would be considered a nightmare.  To me though, I think I have lived through enough that this only disturbs me because my mind decided myself and good friend of mine were sexually assaulted.  I haven't had a nightmare where I woke in terror since high school.  But seriously, what the hell brain?!?!?!?!  I could dream of unicorns, but nope sexual assault.  Thanks a lot.

There are clear themes in this dream.  Very vivid blues and white.  Also my reoccurring being naked places.  My dreamself is definitely an exhibitionist.  This doesn't even phase me, I used to wake up confused now it's just normal.  My mother comes up fairly often in my dreams but usually not how she is or how I remember her.  So this was a bit different there. 

I am certainly going to take a look into a dream dictionary and funny enough I was considering getting balloon curtains in my new apartment.  This is because the two windows are different lengths.  I will not have to hem anything.