Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Cruising in a Group with Anxiety

So I am currently on my last evening on my first ever cruise. By day 2, I was certain that cruises just weren't my thing but after the excursions I started to enjoy myself. However, tonight the anxiety returned. 

So day one, I had a 9:30am flight. I woke up at 6:30am and ran around like crazy because I correctly thought I needed to leave by 6:30am. Then I thought it was 7:30am so I chilled and put my contacts in, sims makeup, a few random things in my luggage before I realized I was supposed to leave by 6:30am. It was 7:30am. I have never driven close to 90 mph in this car or on the LIE ever. Thankfully because it was early Sunday the roads were fairly empty. 

I was there at a good time. I got off at the correct exit to get to The Parking Spot but I am not used to google maps and wound up taking the right back onto Grand Central headed the opposite direction. I started crying in the car. Every time I go to LGA I wind up doing something stupid. Like when I missed the exit and took the TOLL BRIDGE!

I finally made it to the correct location and then I had to wait a little bit for the shuttle. I finally get to LGA and everything is cool. Put my bag in check, went through security quickly, and had 30 minutes to spare. 

So I get on the plane and I am seated with a 14 year old girl and her father with the rest of their family on the other side. I had been advised to bring a flu mask with me because of the recycled air.  I did but I had no intentions of wearing it until the kid behind me started coughing and sneezing. Nooooooooo..... I am not germophobic but I could feel those germs flying at me. No. No. No. 

So I popped a Dramamine and put a flu mask on. I didn't want to be that person but I was. I passed out for basically the entire flight (before take off).

I get to Orlando (MCO) and baggage claim is off site. So I travel to the baggage claim, claim my bags, and attempt to find the Carnival person that according to Carnivals website would be waiting for me at the baggage claim. I waited a few minutes and found no one. So I called and was told they would be at the escalators.  I went and found the lady who only told me to go down one flight. A sign could have done that. Had there been one I would have been on the ship much earlier. 

I go to check in with Carnival put their tags on my bags and such. The lady was nice but should not have informed me that I had JUST MISSED THE SHUTTLE.  It would be at least another 20 minutes. Twenty minutes went by and no shuttle. I sat and sat until I just stood by the glass door. Eventually it showed up. The driver was great. But while waiting I was having an internal meltdown. 

So I get on the ship, and after 30 minutes, the entire ship is called to their mustard decks for training if the ship were to go down. This is fine and all but they cramed us in so tight. I had a whiny older woman behind me and two very tall guys in front of me. I cried again during this. All I wanted was my meds and a fresh outfit but no I was on high anxiety and smoothed into a crowd of people. Super not helpful. The last thing I wanted was to be around people let alone ridiculously close. Honestly, I couldn't see anything and I am pretty sure they wouldn't have noticed if I didn't show up. I am sure many of the small people weren't included in the head count since they were likely dwarfed by the crowd. 

I ran back to the cabin when it was over.  Luggage came. I got fresh clothes and medication. We also opened the champagne that was gifted to us by the travel agency. The rest of that day was okay. I went to dinner and ordered a drink. Turns out we had been gifted a bottle of wine per room. Half way through my entree, I realized I couldn't stay focused on any conversation. I was perfectly fine until I wasn't.  I was very much not fine. So I left, ripped my dress off, laid down, and passed out. I slept really well too. 

The following day the seas were too rough to dock the ship so our fun day on the ship was moved to that day instead of Freeport, Bahamas. It was so cold on the ship. People were still out in sunbathing and kids were in the pool but I couldn't do anything because I was so cold. I tried going to a shoot and got oddly depressed so I left. I went back to the cabin and stayed their until dinner. I was okay being around for a shoot that was fine but went all the girls were called in (by name) and I was just sitting there like the poor ugly kid inside me, I had to leave instead of cry. 

The third day I had no anxiety or depression. Yay!  Go me! The fourth day (today) was pretty great until after dinner.  After we packed up the cabin, I went to the Lido deck to play board games. I had been invited and had fun the previous night playing CAH. Except for the first time I played I usually get bored with that game quickly. The girls were fun and really cool about it if I screwed up pronouncing a word or needed a definition.  However, tonight I showed up and sat in an empty chair to be told it was someone's seat but that it didn't matter. The air was stuffier. After hanging around for a good part of one game I left to visit people at karaoke. I get to karaoke, see our group and again sit in an empty chair.  This time a large tall woman from our group walks over with a fake smile giving me the look of death. Not saying a word just staring. It was frightening. I left all social activities after that. I nearly cried again when I got back into my cabin. 

I am still not sure about this cruise thing. But I did meet some cool people. Now I get to go through flying home. Of course I am not going to possibly miss a ship if a shuttle is late this time so that stress is alieviated. Sigh.