Sunday, April 30, 2017

Emotional Day

I had an emotional not great day today. 

I took a nap yesterday which resulted in me going to bed later then usual and still waking up at my normal 8am hour. Recipe for disaster maybe?

I try very hard to avoid negativity. I avoid negative people. I avoid things that have a negative impact on me. I just keep it away as much as I can. What I can't avoid lately are the terribly negative T-Shirts I have been seeing.  The one that started me noticing the trend says "Thanks For Nothing."  I immediately said "wow, that's a great message to send out to teens."  This is a juniors shirt.  Let's just say I saw one this morning that takes shots at vegetarians.  So while I fully realize I can't control the negativity other people display it certainly set the tone for a very off day. 

I spent most of my morning on social media watching videos and reading articles like usual (I also did some work on ponies so I can get them put away) until I finally started getting ready for the day. Showered, got dressed, put on makeup, and ran to the store.  Just before leaving for Whole Foods I got text that shook me up. I won't go into detail but I wasn't happy.  I powered through Whole Foods, Sephora, and Toys R Us exceptionally salty with me doing my best to not scream or cry.  I had serious resting bitch face which is not normal for me. When in stores people stared and looked at me weird. Yes I had hot pink eyeshadow on but I don't think that's worth staring at. I realized when I left Sephora this was a clear reflection of what I was putting out into the world today. I wasn't thrilled with it but it was the best I could manage. 

Leaving Toys R Us, I got a text that broke my unstable mood bringing me to tears and distraction while I drove home.  Because I was distracted in thought, I almost hit an AMBULANCE!!!  Of all the accidents, a friggin ambulance. In my defense, they did not have the full sirens on and they came out of a side street to my left making a left into my lane (but actually drove down the center turn lane).  I made it home alive and took a 20 min nap before leaving for Brooklyn. 

I didn't feel much better after my nap.  I put Hamilton on during my 1.5 hour drive. I normally sing along, but not today. I cried and sniffled most of my way to the gym. At some point I did get into the music a little and my long drive flew by.

I wound up having a great class today. I am certain I have trapeze kisses (bruises) every where. I haven't had much energy for trapeze lately but today I did. I made it through most of class without tiring out. I might have accidentally finally figured out how to fuel myself properly before class. 

I didn't cry going home. I belted out my favorite Hamilton songs in the car. I went to Target and spent some time avoiding going home. 

Through a decent amount of brainstorming today, I came to realize that I yet again forgot myself.  The texts that upset me today might not have had I remembered in the last few weeks to keep myself a priority.  I spend a lot of my energy giving my time to everyone else but I forget my needs. This is why, even though I was supposed to have plans mid day, I wound up at the store. It's silly, but I bought UD highlighter in February. In the last month I have wanted to try it but lacked the proper brush to use it.  So I basically deviced I needed to do that today on top of some food purchases.  I wind up eating poorly because I am too busy with everyone else to get to the store, so I hit up drive through for fries or 7 Eleven for something just as unhealthy.  I was pretty happy I choose to take my time getting food after work yesterday going the opposite direction for Taco Bell over Burger King fries (which would have been more convient).  I am making myself drink more water and doing really well with it but today I only drank it in class. Oh well. At least I am trying. 

Point being I need to remember that I don't have to hault my life for everyone. I can say no and I can hold things off.  I don't have to make everything work.  Realizing this made me sad but feel a lot better for now.  Now I think I am going to start putting these ponies away.  They need to be sorted... O.O