Saturday, April 15, 2017


Life is going really well right now. 

I am loving my new apartment. I love my retail job. My main job is going better. I have female friends in my life that are supportive and positive. I also have a possible new relationship starting and that is certainly creating a nice state of mind. 

It's so crazy to me how different I was last year. A year ago I had two friends playing head games with me and I had taken cipro. It turns out cipro is not great for mental health. A year ago, I didn't think I would here today and it was frightening for me.

I am returning to flying trapeze next week. I am expecting it to be a great workshop full of friends I missed flying with for well over a year in avoiding a person. It seems I can fly with out this person these days. I can continue both flying and static trapeze. I nearly left static trapeze (AGAIN) because of the same person (AGAIN) but it worked out.  For the first time I actually do not care if that person reads this because she played a lot of games with me including gaslighting, repeating embarrassing stories to peers without my approval, and other things.  In attempts to be the imaginary alpha of trapeze she made it psychologically impossible for me to continue in circus arts at the time (several times) because I couldn't get away from her.  

So I am THRILLED to be returning and flying free from this person for the first time since my first season in 2010!  When I started having dreams of being in the air, I knew it was time to go back. 

For about half of last year, I was still recovering from a man who broke me.  I say broken because I had never had such a strong connection to someone and when it ended the reasoning was incredibly painful.  It destroyed me. My confidence was blown away completely and I am certain it's had a lot to do with my slight weight gain.  Admittedly, the weight gain is not bad. It's just annoying. It's also something I know will start to melt away with flying trapeze.

I have literally waited a year and a half to attempt a date.  For the first time in my dating life I am guarded.  It's weird.  I am the one holding back and not for any reason other then fear.  I fear being broken again but I have no idea how to be less guarded without falling in heart first.  So I can thank Sean for breaking me in a way that's forced me to be detached and aloof with dating.

Some things I have been doing besides working and trapeze...

I went to see the final Barnum and Bailey Circus at the Barclays. I bought really good seats. They were maybe 6 rows in and dead center.  I have never sat that close for a circus.  The previous time I saw Barnum and Bailey I was not impressed but being the last tour I very much wanted to see this one.  If it's still coming to your town, please go!  "Out of this World" is spectacular.  Many of the performances are done while ice skating!  The show is still headed to MSG and Nassau Colosseum.  Sadly the "Extreme" tours NY leg was cancelled.  I am sad about this because that tour features the first female ring leader. 

Last Saturday, I went to the city and saw Circus 1903.  If you are into circus or train circus arts, it is definitely worth seeing.  I love seeing older circus acts that are not as performed much.  The show had teeter board, cycling, juggling, tightrope, amazing contortion, and my favorite next to the contortion was hand to hand acrobatics.  I have never seen this act before.  A man stands on the platform and the female flyer holds his hands and does acrobatic tricks similar to flying trapeze while swinging from his arms and my goodness was she a beautiful flier. Her lines were amazing. 

This weekend we are going to see an acrobat show called "Something" at the New Victory theater. 

I have seen Logan, Ghost in the Shell, and Beauty and the Beast in theaters. 

I loved Logan. I teared up. With the changes to Laura's origin it changed her personality a bit but I am so happy with her anyway. It was so good. 

I wasn't impressed with Beauty and the Beast. I did not dislike it but I was underwhelmed with some of the scenes. I felt cheated when "Home" was playing but it was not actually used.  I did like Emma as Belle. What I don't like is the changing of musical arrangements.  In the "Belle (Reprise)" there is a key note that everyone expects to hear and they changed it. Did they change it for Emma or to set the movie apart from all the other productions?  I don't know but moments like that were a real let down for me. I did like that Maurice was captured for picking a rose for Belle. In the fairy tale I read as a little kid (prior to the animation), Belle was the youngest of 3 daughters. Their father asked if they wanted anything and Belle asked for a rose which caused her father to be captured. It was nice seeing that added. 

I really liked Ghost in the Shell. We saw it in IMAX 3D and I can with out a doubt say it was worth seeing that way. The movie was beautiful overall. I also enjoyed the conversation between friends over the racial issues regarding the film. 

That's most of what I have been up to. It's been great lately. I hope it stick around.